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What is This Blog?
It’s my story: a man on the verge of 40 who, after spending 20 years with one woman, realized that wasn’t his path. So, he overhauls his life. He leaves her, even though she’s fantastic, to freely experiment with unexplored ways of experiencing relationships. He sacrifices comfort, affection, a piece of himself, and everything he knows to start a new search.
Looking around, he notices people changing partners, one after another, illusion after illusion, disappointment after disappointment. But they keep the framework unchanged: they just look for a new actor to play the same script.
With anger, this man asks himself: “What if it’s not the people or their partners who are wrong, but the relationship models? What if everything society tells us about love and relationships isn’t the only possible way?”
We live in an era where we can choose from dozens of car models, hundreds of different toothpastes, and thousands of shoe styles, but… only one model of love. The same for everyone, unchanged across ages and eras.
A single model, continually reinforced by countless romantic comedies, books, TV series, and advertisements. A cultural product, created at a specific historical moment, that — partly due to conformity, partly because it helps sell washing machines — is peddled as something natural, objective, written in our DNA.
Not that this model of love can’t work for some, or for certain times in one’s life. But even the sweetest Disney fairy tale becomes a horror trap if it’s the only possible path.
At least that’s what I thought when I started the blog.
Then I realized that maybe I was the one stuck on the love front.
I was the one afraid to let go, to lose control, to put in someone else’s hands a weapon capable of hurting me.
And right now, as I live the life I’ve always dreamed of, today, as I sleep with dozens of intelligent, sexy, and fun twenty-somethings… I’ve realized what I miss most is Love.
Which is what I’ve always run away from.
Thus, the blog becomes the story of this search for love.
It’s not a sociology treatise, but rather an honest and spontaneous sharing of my experiences, my thoughts, my delusions of grandeur, and my fragility.
It’s the story of my hookups, the girls I’ve met, the emotions we’ve shared.
Who is it for?
The ideal reader is a girl closer to 20 than 35, who feels an uncontrollable urge to live and experiment beyond all limits.
She’s a girl with an edge over her peers. She’s talented, but she knows talent alone isn’t enough to live the successful life she desires and thinks she deserves. Ambitious, she doesn’t settle for a normal life; she’s often drawn to entrepreneurship, creating something of her own, or simply feels destined for a successful life. But she doesn’t know how to pursue it. She needs information, knowledge, experiences, mentors.
And it’s no coincidence she’s fascinated by older men, who have made unique choices and achieved uncommon results. In short, a young woman tired of boys, who wants to try a man.
Basically, she belongs to that precious group of girls I often end up having relationships with. After all, I only talk about what I know.
The idealreader is a man over 35, who feels trapped in a life that doesn’t belong to him and wonders if he made a mistake.
Note: the ideal reader is the one I have in mind while writing, to whom I hypothetically address myself. If you don’t fit this category, that’s fine too. You’re welcome, even if you’re a bald, fifty-year-old accountant with a belly and a five-a-side football match as your highest ambition. As long as you respect the rules of good conduct listed below and don’t fall into the categories mentioned in the next paragraph.
Who should Never ever Read It
Okay, this blog isn’t open to everyone. There are some banned categories, masterfully summarized by PDV on the blog storiedelcazzo.com.
- If you’re a True Italian Male, if you think a woman is “yours” just because she gave you a blowjob, and at that point, you cling, become possessive, control how she dresses, and get paranoid if she goes to a party with friends, you’re not welcome (likewise, if you’re a hen who calls other girls sluts for how they use their own vagina, get with the possessive jerk and both of you get lost).
- If you’re a femi-nazi who hates men and hopes to have found an ally, you’re in the wrong place.
- If you’re bothered by swear words and vulgarity, if you think casual sex is immoral, or if you have issues with irony that plays on sexist and chauvinistic stereotypes, DO NOT read this blog.
- If you have no idea who or what Miller, Bukowski, Brazzers, Lo Zoo di 105, Louis C.K., No future but a hard-on… are, then give your life some meaning, google them, and come back when you’re ready.
I’ll add another category I hate:
- if you confuse preference with discrimination, if you accuse me of considering a woman only based on age, if you yourself think you’re worth less just because of a few wrinkles, if you see aging as a limit to your life and if — above all — you bust my balls for what I write, this is not the place for you.
And What if I’m over 35?
You’re welcome.
I’ll tell you more: share your experience. Tell these young girls what you wish someone had told you when you were their age.
But are You “the Man”?
I don’t claim to be “THE man”; I’m just trying to be “A man.” That is, I try to live without fear, making difficult choices, with the utmost respect for myself and others. I try to be the person I would want to meet if I were my ideal girl.
And, above all, I want to be honest and transparent. One of the reasons I keep this blog is that I intend to carefully select the people I spend my time with. I direct the girls who contact me on various dating apps here before meeting them. This way, they know who I am, how I live, what I think. And I can focus on a few special people, without wasting time with those who aren’t a match.
And then I found the payoff “tired of boys? Try… a man!” too funny. It reminds me of a sign I saw in a Sicilian restaurant years ago: “Eat today, pay at Christmas.” Except Christmas was at the cash register, he was the owner.
What Will I Talk About
Primarily about relationships, with a special focus on areas that are rarely explored or — worse — little discussed due to modesty, shame, and propriety. For example, I will talk a lot about sugar dating, relationships with much older men, dating apps, swinging, clubs, polyamory, and open relationships. And above all, about love: the kind that burns, the kind that destroys and saves you at the same time.
